One of the questions I have been asked is, "Why do women turn mean on me?" I hypothesize that tumescence is the primary reason why women turn bitter and leave men feeling like they can't do anything right.
It is the classic case of the Goddess Kali emerging. She is the Hindu Goddess who lopped off the heads of all the men who couldn't satisfy her, and wore them as a garland around her neck, until she met the Lord Shiva, who conquered, subdued and satisfied her. Then she was all happy, as he could do nothing wrong. Please read the Bhagavad Gita and get the full story, as my version is obviously limited by my Texan perspective. But you get the essence of what I am saying.
I hypothesize that women are in the habit of faking orgasms because:
they know that men prize orgasmic women
they don't know how to instruct men on what would make them feel good enough to have an orgasm
they are afraid of hurting a man's ego by admitting that they didn't have an orgasm
telling a man you didn't have an orgasm might affect his ability to get an erection
women are afraid something is wrong with them if they can't have an orgasm
they are embarassed to admit they didn't have an orgasm
they are afraid their lovers will want them to get therapy because they can't have an orgasm
they are afraid men will think they can't orgasm because they were sexually molested
they are afraid men will say they are frigid
they are afraid men will accuse them of being gay
Those are just a few of the reasons why it is extremely difficult for women to be honest about the fact that they they do not have orgasms. And let's not forget that many women don't even know what an orgasm is. To complicate matters even further, the concept of orgasm has been expanded to include just about everything from the big bang to flowers blossoming. Orgasm has become so all-encompassing that women who just want to experience the old-fashioned kind of orgasmic relief that is attained by pushing the button just right, holding your breath and waiting for "the little death" to wash all your cares away, are told their orgasms are "little girl orgasms" and they need to learn how to ejaculate in order to be a real woman. I'm sorry, but if that is the case, I'd rather remain a little girl, as I already do too much laundry, plastic sheets are not comfy to sleep on, and buying a new mattress every time the old one gets soggy is expensive.
Getting back to my original point: I hypothesize that when women have sex, it makes them want to have an orgasm really, really badly, even if they don't know what an orgasm is. If a man doesn't know how to assist the process to fruition, and a woman is too shy to give herself one, the frustration of the situtation is excruciatingly horrible. Because women feel obliged to fake orgasms for a multitude of reasons, men have no clue that women are sexually frustrated. The frustration bleeds over into other areas of life and the little things that don't really matter seem like a great big deal.
There is a subconscious desire to end the tumescent torture and be with somebody who can satisfy. But women are often told that a truly satisfying relationship is an idealistic notion. So they sacrifice their dreams the for the sake of the children, or because they are afraid of losing their sense of security. In other words, women turn mean because they are angry at themselves for their inability to be honest about the fact that they are not sexually satisfied, they have no hope of changing the situtaion, and they project the anger onto men.
Unless men have been taught otherwise, their natural instinct is to treat the vagina like it is a penis turned inside out. But it is not. And if the only kind of stimulation that a woman gets during sex, is the kind that gives a man an orgasm, then sex is destined to remain frustrating for the woman. The kind of friction and motion that causes the clitoris to throb with relief is very, very subtle. Most men don't have the patience to wait for the twitch to happen, nor the sensitivity to notice when it does, nor the ability to coax the energy into an orgasmic bloom. They are too busy trying to make it happen.
I'm not sure that all the time it's a matter of a woman "turning mean". Some people just don't know how to say something without sounding critical or judgemental.
"That's it?" she says. Or, maybe she gives a little nod and an unhuh when he asks "Did you enjoy yourself?" And the guy knows that's a lie just by the sound of it. So he feels like he "owes" her something, or that he didn't "perform" to expectations.
Posted by: Dillon | January 12, 2009 at 02:42 PM