When you speak in first person and use "I statements" people object, saying "It's always about you, you, you!" If you keep the focus on them, they say "Speak for yourself and stop projecting, don't blame me!" Having a conversation about others (not me or you) is considered inappropriate because "they" is too vague. Speak about someone else in particular, and that would be gossip. Make the conversation about us by using the word "we", and you may encounter the classic objection "Whoa! You make it sound like we are in a relationship or something!"
So that leaves God, sex, politics, current events, nature and death as possible topics of conversation.
It would be boldly presumptious of me, in classic limited human fashion, to think I might have anything relevant to contribute to a conversation about something as immensely incomprehensible as the vast, profound and awesome creator, the source of our being, the conceiver of our souls, who gave birth to existence. I can only wonder, why do we presume that God is a he?
The topic of sex is still such a taboo that all conversations not carried on from a superficial perspective, are considered profane and off limits because people are embarassed by it. I had sex with a lot of men while working as a prostitute. What I learned is not something people generally want to discuss. But they do seem to enjoy reading about it.
I dropped my televison last year and didn't feel a need to replace it, which renders me uninformed with regard to politics and current events. The most relevent thing I have to say in that regard is "Wow! When did that happen?!"
My observations about nature, how it speaks to me, what it says to me, how the seemingly cruel process we call "survival of the fittest" insures healthier and more intelligent future progeny from those naturally selected, makes people yawn and nod. I dare not marvel about synchronicities and observe similarities between bugs and machines for that would be too much like "making schizophrenic connections."
The remaining subject, my personal favorite, is death. Most people don't want to talk about it. A therapist once told me that I have a morbid fascination with death. None-the-less, I heed the wisdom of spiritual teachers who encourage the practice of dying by observing the breath, letting go of it, and drinking deeply from spirit. To die a little bit each day brings heaven closer to earth.
Despite my fondness for the practicing of dying, I am also into "The Power of Positive Thinking" a book that my mother insisted I read thirty-something years ago. And I'm hip to conscious languaging, co-creating, an avid student of Neville Goddard, the mystic avatar who empowered his students to be still and know that "I AM GOD." What you think is what you get. Every time I catch myself having a negative thought, I immediately replace it with positive affirmations. I have been disciplining myself to do this for many years.
I know the power of the spoken word first hand.
And yet it would be foolhearty of me to deny that everyone has creative potential. Personal creations are in competition. What people ruminate about, is what they are manifesting. If I am vibing "peace and free love" 24/7, but all of my friends and relatives are vibing "sex is nasty, kill the commies" then I will continue to live in a world with war and moral judgements until the day I decide to die to that reality, or make new friends and find a new family.
There is an intellectual capacity to avoid authentic conversation that threatens ego. Biological hardwiring renders men extremely vulnerable to their desire for a sexual connection. Women are longing for safe places where they can uninhibitedly express themselves without consequential obligation to perform sexually. The egos resistance to change, in combination with competing masculine and feminine needs, requires us to re-examine sexual issues that feminism sought to resolve in the seventies.
A woman seems to expect her partner to gaze longingly into her eyes and glean exactly how she wants him to get her off. A man often won’t say anything about sex for fear of offending the “delicate nature” of his partner or of being called a “degenerate.”
Talking about sex may be a turn-on for some, but it takes some of us out of our comfort zone. For shy people, explicitly sexual talk is like a foreign language—but it’s one that can be learned and enjoyed. If you can describe what turns you on, you’re much more likely to have your desires met.
Karen Kreps
Author of "Intimacies: Secrets of Love, Sex & Romance."
http://trueintimacies.com
Posted by: TrueIntimacies | March 25, 2008 at 06:00 AM